Remembering the first and last time

I have had the incredible experience of breastfeeding my dear son for nearly 13 months. Yesterday was our last time. I never thought I was emotional about nursing. But weaning has proven difficult for me emotionally. I guess it's the end of his time as a baby. He's toddling around now. No longer needing mommy to provide for his every need. I loved that I could comfort him when he was sad, or send him off to dreamland, or calm him down when we was angry. I know that he will still need me for some of that, but with nursing, I was the only one who could comfort him like that.

I remember the first time I nursed him. Right after my c-section, I was wheeled to the recovery room where friends and family were waiting. I held Adam and just admired his little face. I was surprised that he was so human! That this little person had just thirty minutes earlier been inside of me. He looked at me as if to say, "hi mom, let's eat!" And he opened his mouth as if I had a big bite of ice cream on a spoon ready to feed him. I was like "woah, how does he know what to do? Can I really do this?!" And so began our 13 month journey!

For those first few weeks, he nursed about every 2 hours, day and night! He often looked like a little drunk man when he finished. Like he was in total euphoria! Then he gradually went to sleeping most of the night, and nursing every 3 hours during the day. Then he started eating solid meals twice a day when he was about 7 months old, nursing the other times. When he was ten months, he was nursing about 4 times a day, then three. When he turned one, he was only nursing when he woke up and when he went to bed. These were the last to go.

I once told a friend that I had not counted the cost of breastfeeding. I took the decision very lightly. "Of course I'll nurse him." But I didn't realize how much of a commitment that it was. But I am so grateful that I had the time and the ability to. I know that so many women can't. I feel so blessed to have done this for Adam and for me.