My friend Debbie

I have been blessed to have many, many friends in my lifetime. As I've learned more about my adult self, I know that I am an extremely relational person. I don't need a lot of friends. I need meaningful, deep friendships. In my early twenties, which happened to be my early years of marriage, I didn't really know this about myself. It was a time before facebook and blogs, so keeping up with those meaningful friendships took alot of effort. Had I known how important that was to my soul, I probably would have made the effort, and probably would have been a little happier.

My husband, after six months of marriage, felt led by God to attend seminary in California. I thought I was up for the challenge and tried to be as supportive and happy as a young wife should be. But it was hard. And still figuring out this marriage thing, we had a rough few years. In the middle of those years of seminary, my dear husband experienced many paradigm shifts that greatly impacted our spiritual walks. One of those shifts was the idea of House Church. My mostly happy church experiences had all taken place in fairly traditional churches, and I had no reason to think church should happen any differently than what I had experienced.

Needless to say, we had some frustrating times of Robert trying to get me to read books, articles, and have meaningful conversations about his new ecclesiology. But folks, I mean, I was working full-time in my first few years of teaching, had a two hour commute each day, and very few friends, which I needed desperately, and lived thousands of miles away from anyone who loved me (other than my husband)! I was in no place to be challenged in the way I did church! I was simply trying to survive!

In his last effort to try to share with me what he was learning, what he was feeling led by God to do, he took me to LA for a weekend retreat with other house church pastors. I had a cold the entire weekend, and the retreat was in a barn. Literally. I got so sick, that I finally took some cold medicine and went to the car to sleep. Robert stayed for the session. When I arose from my coma, I joined him back in the barn. Apparently, I had missed hearing a guy speak from Las Vegas. He pastored a network of house churches there. When I joined Robert, he was sitting at a table with some of these guys from Vegas. Without knowing what I had missed, I just shared with them that I had no idea what I thought about all this stuff. One of the guys, Joe, said, "You should meet my wife. She went through the same thing. Here's her number. Give her a call someday." He then said, "And if you guys ever want to move to Vegas and hang out with us for a a while, we'd love you to be part of our community one day."

After coming home, I busily went back into my routine of driving, working, driving, and sleeping. After a few weeks, I gave the guys wife a call. Her name was Debbie, and we became great friends. Without ever knowing me, she helped me so much. She encouraged me by sharing her story with me. She related to every feeling and hesitation that I had. She prayed with me and for me. Within the next year, Robert and I journeyed to Vegas about 5 times spending time with the Apex community. Even as outsiders, they welcomed us to their sweet fellowship. When I saw and experienced the depth of relationships within their house churches, I was sold. It was a sense community that I had never experienced in any other church. They didn't attend church. They were the church.

When Robert's days of seminary were coming to an end, we felt very strongly that God would take us to Las Vegas. We made plans, I had a job, and we had an apartment in the basement of an Apex family. Debbie and I were thrilled to be making our friendship a local one. But one month before the move, God gave both Robert and I an unsettling feeling about moving. Within 24 hours, we both felt the Lord tell us to stay in the Bay Area and move to the East Bay near my school. It was a hard decision, but it wasn't really hard to tell Debbie. She knew. She understood. And she knew that our friendship went beyond this kingdom on earth.

That was seven years ago. Joe and Debbie and their boys have since lived in LA and now Cincinatti, where Joe has been a professional actor, and a teaching pastor at a few mega churches. He even recently just wrote, directed, and produced an independent feature film. We have since had two children, moved to Memphis, and have started a fairly traditionally structured church. But there is no doubt that the "taste" of community we experienced in our short visits to the Boyds have influenced the culture we have seen God create at Neighborhood Church.

Debbie and I have called our friendship one of kindred spirits. We only talk a few times a year, but they are sweet and encouraging times. I am excited to be heading to Cincinatti this week for a conference. But will of course, get to spend some time with this dear friend. Thanks God for giving me this friendship when I needed it most, and for allowing us to continue it over the years!